


Lost in Danville

by kittyhazelnut



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:47:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24507910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittyhazelnut/pseuds/kittyhazelnut
Summary: Perry's been halfway across the galaxy, but he's never felt as lost as he does now,  just minutes from home.Dr. Doofenshmirtz has suffered defeat after defeat at the hands of his nemesis, Perry the Platypus. One day, he decides to level the playing field. He turns his nemesis human, expecting to have a fair fight. Instead, it creates a whole different set of problems.
Relationships: Ferb Fletcher & Phineas Flynn & Perry the Platypus, Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus, Perry the Platypus & Peter the Panda (Phineas and Ferb)
Comments: 37
Kudos: 170





	1. Chapter 1

"Perry the Platypus, your timing is extraordinary!" Doofenshmirtz declares. "And by extraordinary, I mean  _ completely ordinary! _ "

Perry just stares at him. 

"Like, seriously, would it kill you to shake it up a little bit?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "Anyways…" 

Doofenshmirtz hits a button on his remote, and Perry is trapped in a net. It's almost ironic, given that Doofenshmirtz just asked  _ him _ to shake it up. 

Doofenshmirtz puts the remote in his lab coat. "You remember the platypinator, right, Perry the Platypus? You know, when I turned myself into a platypus because I thought I could best you in battle if we were both platypuses?"

Perry definitely does remember that, but given that it ended in embarrassing defeat for his nemesis, he's not sure why he would bring it up. 

"Well, it occurs to me that I may have gone about it the wrong way," Doofenshmirtz says. "You see, Perry the Platypus, I never stood a chance against you because we still weren't evenly matched. You've been a platypus for… how old are you?"

Perry rolls his eyes. 

"Okay, whatever," Doofenshmirtz says. "You've been a platypus for however many years you've been alive. I had only been a platypus for, like, ten minutes. If I wanted the advantage, I would have to turn you human instead!"

Perry's eyes widen. He's not seriously going to turn Perry human, is he? That's ridiculous on so many levels, and it’s not even a useful kind of ridiculous. Perry doesn’t beat him because he’s a platypus; he beats him because he’s more skilled.

"Behold, the humanator!" Doofenshmirtz pulls the sheet off his inator and gestures widely to it. "You know, platypinator, humanator?"

Perry just narrows his eyes. 

"Yeah, I'll work on the name," Doofenshmirtz says. "Now, I know what you're thinking. I can't turn you human in a platypus-sized trap, right?" Doofenshmirtz reaches for another remote. "That's why I got  _ this _ ."

A cage falls from the ceiling and over Perry, who's still inside the net. The cage would definitely work on a human, so Perry can see why he  _ thought  _ it was a good idea, but it would  _ only _ hold a human. The bars are far enough apart that Perry could sneak out.. 

"Now, hold still, Perry the Platypus," Doofenshmirtz says. “It won't hurt a bit."

Doofenshmirtz remotely lets Perry out of the net, obviously expecting the cage to hold him, but Perry slips through with ease. 

"Wait, Perry the Platypus, don't —"

Perry jumps up and kicks Doofenshmirtz in the face. Per usual, this results in a very intense fight, and Perry thinks it's going really well until Doofenshmirtz makes his way back to the inator. Perry jumps up, trying to hit him away, but instead, he puts himself right in the ray's way when Doofenshmirtz hits the button. 

Perry falls to the floor, squeezing his eyes shut. His whole body is tingling. It doesn't  _ hurt _ — Doofenshmirtz had his back on that one — but it feels  _ weird _ . It's uncomfortable, to say the least, and it feels like it goes on for ages.

When Perry feels  _ almost _ normal again, he opens his eyes and looks around. Everything looks about the same, which is comforting, but he knows even before he looks that the inator worked, both because Doofenshmirtz's inators almost always work and because he's never felt so naked in his life. He usually has hair, and he's perfectly happy with it. Now, he can't even say that. 

Perry immediately takes off his fedora and covers his nether regions. Of the many reasons Perry didn't want Doofenshmirtz to succeed, this one hadn't even occurred to him. 

"Now I have the upper hand, Perry the Platypus!" Doofenshmirtz says. "Or should I say, Perry the Humanpus?"

Perry tries to chatter, which is his usual response to Doofenshmirtz's buffoonery, but it sounds  _ weird _ . Did his voice change? He didn't even think it took a voice to make that noise. 

"You don't have to make that noise anymore, you know," Doofenshmirtz says. "I'm pretty sure you can talk now."

It takes Perry a moment to wrap his head around that. He's never spoken before. He's a platypus, after all, and platypuses don't do much. Can he really speak now? He should probably try. 

"Hi?" Perry says uncertainly, and he's shocked to find that he actually  _ can _ say it. 

"Out of all the words you could have picked to be your first, you chose 'hi'?" 

Perry just narrows his eyes. 

"Oh, Perry the Humanpus, do you want something to wear?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "Or are platypuses pro-nudity? I don't really know how this works."

"Turn me back," Perry demands. 

"Why would I do that?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "That would defeat the whole purpose of turning you human in the first place."

Perry sighs. He's going to have to kick Doofenshmirtz into submission, isn't he?

"Fine," he says. "Can I have something to wear?"

Doofenshmirtz heads to the closet and opens the door to reveal a long line of lab coats. There are two shelves under them, one divided into three sections — black shirts, gray pants — and one that holds shoes, socks, and many colors and designs of boxers. Doofenshmirtz grabs one of everything. 

"I'll be honest, Perry the Humanpus," Doofenshmirtz says as he hands the clothes over, "I have no idea if any of this is going to fit you. You look a lot smaller than me."

Perry takes the clothes wordlessly, and Doofenshmirtz turns around to let him get dressed in peace. 

"You really don't talk much, do you?" Doofenshmirtz remarks. "I always thought it was just because, you know, you were a platypus."

It occurs to Perry after a long few moments that the correct response to that would probably be, "I'm not used to talking," but, again, he's not used to talking. He's used to forming thoughts, sure, but not in words. He can't think of responses in a decent amount of time. 

Instead of speaking, Perry just starts getting dressed. He's seen Phineas and Ferb do it before, but that's usually while Perry is half asleep and barely paying attention. Obviously, he can't ask Doofenshmirtz for help dressing himself, so he has to figure out how it works himself. Underwear first, right? Would that be the small shorts? Phineas and Ferb's underwear isn't shaped like any of this, so the shorts are his best guess. 

"Are you just shy?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "You've been thwarting my plans for months now. I've practically given you my entire life story. I would have thought you'd say more than two sentences."

Perry stares at his new shirt, puzzled. How does this work? He would probably understand how to put on a short sleeve shirt if he had one, but Doofenshmirtz wears weird tank tops under his lab coats. Perry can't figure out where his arms go and where his head goes. Every time he tries to put it on, two appendages end up in one hole, and he knows that’s not right. 

"Are you dressed yet, Perry the Humanpus?" Doofenshmirtz asks. 

"Almost," Perry replies, taking his shirt off and trying to put it on  _ again _ . Why is this so confusing? It's not like he's never worn clothes before. It shouldn't be so much harder to do it as a human than it is to do it as a platypus. 

"You are taking a very long time," Doofenshmirtz remarks. "Is this your plan? Distract me so I don't see you sneaking up on my inator?"

Perry's too frustrated with this shirt to even process that he's supposed to acknowledge that. Doofenshmirtz wouldn't have expected him to acknowledge it as a platypus. 

"It is, isn't it?" Doofenshmirtz says before whipping around to look at Perry, doubtlessly expecting to find him sneaking away. When he realizes that Perry is still sitting on the floor, helpless, he looks confused. "What are you doing?"

"Getting dressed." Perry holds the shirt out in front of him. There are three holes in the top. Arm, head, arm. If he gets the arms, he'll have to find the head hole. He sticks his arms in, then pulls it over his head…

… only to find that one of his arms is in the head hole already.

"Do you need help, Perry the Humanpus?" Doofenshmirtz asks. 

"No."

Perry takes the shirt off to try again. Maybe he needs to do the opposite. He bunches the shirt up and slips his head in first, and the fact that it fits is all he needs to know he got that part right. He sticks his hands in the shirt and feels around for the other holes. 

"Are you sure you don't want help?" Doofenshmirtz asks. 

"Yes."

After a lot of twisting and turning, he finds one hole, and he slips his arm in. Then he finds the other, and he gets that arm in, too. This shirt is far more uncomfortable than he'd expected, especially around the neck. It feels like it's choking him. 

"I think you put it on backwards, Perry the Humanpus," Doofenshmirtz remarks. 

Perry stares at him uncomprehendingly. 

"Take your arms out," Doofenshmirtz instructs him. 

Perry eyes him suspiciously. 

"Do you want to wear it right or not?" Doofenshmirtz asks, annoyed. 

Perry hesitates, then does as he's told. 

"Now just turn it around," Doofenshmirtz says. 

Perry just stares at him. 

Doofenshmirtz sighs. "Like this." He takes a step towards Perry, who immediately moves away. Doofenshmirtz puts his hands up in surrender. "Fine, if you want to wear it backwards, be my guest."

Perry pauses, still tense, but he doesn't really expect the guy to hurt him. They play by a certain set of rules, and while neither of them are actually sure what those rules are, hurting a newly-human former-platypus while he tries to put a shirt on is definitely a no-no. Perry sighs and reluctantly lets Doofenshmirtz help him. 

"See, Perry the Humanpus, this is all you have to do." Doofenshmirtz takes the shirt by the collar and turns it around for him. He takes a step back, giving Perry the chance to put it on correctly. "Better?"

Perry looks down at himself in disdain. He looks like an idiot. Heck, he feels like an idiot. He just wants to be a platypus again. 

"I can't help but notice," Doofenshmirtz remarks, "that you look very strong. You didn't look that strong as a platypus. Is that what the humanator does? Do you think it would give  _ me  _ muscle?"

"I'm stronger than the average platypus," Perry says. A loving family and a dorky nemesis aren't the only benefits of working for OWCA.

"I guess the average platypus wouldn't be able to kick me in the face," Doofenshmirtz agrees. "This is nice, don't you think, Perry the Humanpus? I don't have to carry the conversation anymore."

Perry gives him a discontent frown. 

"Okay, I don't have to carry the  _ entire _ conversation anymore," Doofenshmirtz corrects himself. "Just, you know, most of it."

Perry pushes himself to his feet. He's surprised to find that this much is easy. He's had to quickly stand up on two legs and quickly stand on all fours more times than he can count, and while it's slightly more difficult with long limbs, muscle memory serves him well. 

"All set?" Doofenshmirtz asks. 

Perry just walks over to the inator. There has to be a reverse switch on here. There always is. 

"Wait, where are you going, Perry the Humanpus?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "Are you going for the humanator? You can't do that!" 

Doofenshmirtz runs over to the inator and reaches for the self destruct button, but Perry smacks his hand away just in time. 

"What, you want to fight?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "Let's go. We are equal-footed — literally, because we both have human feet now."

Perry jumps up to kick Doofenshmirtz in the face, as he always enjoys doing, but he just falls to the ground instead. Apparently, humans can't jump or kick as high as platypuses. That would have been nice to know before he twisted his ankle — which, for the record, is virtually impossible to do as a platypus. 

"See? That's exactly what I was talking about," Doofenshmirtz says. "No wonder I couldn't beat you as a platypus. I was still thinking like a human! But now the tables have turned!"

Perry stands up again, and it's a little more difficult now that he's hurt his ankle, but he can deal with it. He's used to getting hurt. He's a secret agent; it's in the job description. 

What he's not used to is not knowing how to fight. OWCA has trained him since he hatched to make use of his platypus features. He can't do that anymore. He doesn't have a tail to smack him with. He's too big to jump. He's essentially out of options, but he  _ needs _ to get to that inator, so he does what little he can. 

He reaches for the inator's reverse switch, and when Doofenshmirtz grabs his arm, he twists it around until they're both in pain and he has to let go. Perry reaches for the inator again, but Doofenshmirtz shoves him out of the way, standing between Perry and the humanator. That puts a bit of a dent in his plans. 

Perry launches himself at him, trying to make the most of this "no longer ten pounds" thing, and Doofenshmirtz stumbles backwards…

And right into the self destruct button. 

Perry just stares at the spot that used to hold the humanator. It's gone. It's really gone. That was his only chance of turning human again, and it's just… not there. What is he supposed to do now?

Doofenshmirtz seems just as perplexed. "I have to be honest, Perry the Humanpus, I really didn't expect to get this far. I don't have anything else planned for you."

Perry looks at him, dumbfounded. "That's it?"

Doofenshmirtz shrugs sheepishly. "I really thought you were going to leave here a platypus, and I was going to be stuck here to sulk."

Perry crosses his arms. "Then turn me back, and you can stay and sulk."

"What? No! Where's the fun in that?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "This is just the beginning!"

Perry sighs.  _ Great _ . He really appreciates that. Without a word — because, really, what do you say in this situation? — he turns around and walks out.

"We're still on for tomorrow, right?" Doofenshmirtz calls after him. "Same time?"

"Screw you!" Perry yells back. 

"You know, it's funny," Doofenshmirtz says, his voice growing fainter with every step Perry takes. "I'm usually the one cursing  _ you _ when you leave." Perry just rolls his eyes. He is  _ so _ not in the mood.


	2. Chapter 2

Perry has to walk to OWCA headquarters. He had been planning on leaving via hang glider, but he's not sure it would hold someone of his size. Fortunately, he spends a lot of time in the streets, so he knows exactly where he's going. It's just a matter of getting there, which, as someone still adjusting to human legs, is not easy. 

The first thing he sees when he gets to OWCA headquarters is Carl, walking  _ very _ quickly to the front door with a coffee in his hands. Either he snuck away for a coffee and doesn't want Monogram to know he was gone, or Monogram asked for a coffee and Carl's on a deadline. It doesn't really matter, though. This is just what he needed. 

"Carl!" Perry waves his arms around to get his attention. Had he still been a platypus, he would have run to catch up, but he doesn't want to risk falling down again because he doesn't know how human limbs work. 

Carl turns to look, and when he sees Perry walking towards him, he just looks confused. Perry had expected as much. He's not exactly wearing a name tag. 

"Do I know you?" Carl asks.

"It's Agent P," Perry says. 

"What about Agent P?" Carl asks nervously. 

Perry rolls his eyes. "No,  _ I'm _ Agent P."

"I didn't know we were recruiting humans," Carl says, obviously confused. 

God, he's so dense. Sure, maybe he could understand the confusion with any other agent, but Perry fights  _ Doofenshmirtz _ . This isn't even the weirdest thing he's ever done. 

"I'm Perry," he says. "The ex-platypus." He refuses to use the word "humanpus," no matter how much Doofenshmirtz liked it. 

Carl gapes at him. "Agent P? What happened to you?"

"Doofenshmirtz happened," Perry deadpans. "Is Major Monogram around?"

"Yes, and I think he'd  _ really _ like to see this," Carl says. 

They head inside, and the entire time Perry is following Carl around, he feels everyone's eyes on him. Carl and the Monograms — Major, Missus, and Monty — are the only humans ever walking the OWCA halls. Sure, there was a day when Doofenshmirtz worked here, but he really doesn't count for much. It's definitely not comparable to Perry, an unfamiliar face to everyone around. 

Monogram is sitting in the same room he does the mission reports from, muttering under his breath about his computer and how useless it is. How he manages to function without Carl constantly by his side, Perry does not know. 

Monogram looks over at the sound of the door opening. "Carl, who's that and why did you bring him here?"

"It's Agent P, sir," Carl says. 

"What about Agent P?" 

Perry is half convinced that Carl and Monogram share one singular brain cell. 

" _ I'm _ Agent P," Perry says. "Doofenshmirtz did… well…" He gestures vaguely to himself. "That."

"Great googly moogly!" Monogram says, gaping at him. "Although that  _ would _ explain the hair."

"What?"

"Your hair," Carl says, "it's platypus colored."

Perry reaches up and plucks a single strand of his hair to look at. Sure enough, it's the same teal that used to cover his body. The universe really has a dumb sense of humor. 

"Well, this is…" Monogram pauses, eyeing him for a moment. "... unprecedented."

About a million sarcastic remarks go through Perry's head, and if there's one thing being a nonverbal animal his whole life has taught him, it's how to keep those comments to himself. 

"Have you tried asking him to turn you back into a platypus?" Monogram asks. 

Perry just stares at him.  _ That's _ his solution? Just ask him? 

"Have you?" Carl asks. 

"Yes," Perry says, and he forces himself to cut his answer off there before he says something he'll regret. 

"Have you tried asking  _ nicely _ ?" Monogram asks. 

"I wasn't… not… nice…" Perry says awkwardly. He didn't say 'please,' but he didn't threaten to kill the guy, either. That counts as nice, right?

"Weird," Monogram remarks. "I was sure that would work."

Perry just stares at him. Again. 

"What do we do now, sir?" Carl asks. 

"I don't know," Monogram admits. "There's no procedure for this." He looks at Perry. "Agent P, what would  _ you _ like to do now?" 

"Become a platypus?" Perry says uncomfortably. There's not much else he  _ can _ do.

"How would we even go about that?" Carl asks. "We don't have that type of technology."

"You copy every inator he makes," Perry reminds him. "The humanator had a reverse switch. The copy will, too."

"About that, Agent P," Carl says awkwardly. "Doofenshmirtz didn't do any of this online. We couldn't find a copy of his blueprint, so we couldn't copy this one."

Perry scoffs. "Seriously?" 

"I'm sorry, Agent P."

"If we can get ahold of the blueprint, we'll tell you," Monogram says. "Until then, we're going to have to wait it out."

"I don't have time to  _ wait it out _ ," Perry snaps. "I have a family waiting for me, Monogram! If I'm not back home tonight, they're going to freak!"

"I'm sorry, Agent P, but there's nothing we can do," Monogram says. 

"Call Doofenshmirtz! Threaten to arrest him! Do  _ something _ !" 

"If you couldn't talk some sense into him, trust me, Agent P, nobody can," Monogram says. 

Perry grits his teeth. He's not even going to try? He's just going to let Perry stay human until Doofenshmirtz decides to do something —  _ if _ Doofenshmirtz tries to do something? Unbelievable. 

Without a word, Perry turns and walks out the door. 

"Where are you going?" Carl asks, following him out. 

"To Phineas and Ferb," Perry says, adding under his breath, "The only people who care, apparently."

"You can't do that," Monogram says quickly. 

Perry just keeps walking. He's vaguely aware of Carl and Monogram following him, but he doesn't care. 

"Agent P, you  _ cannot _ talk to your host family," Monogram says firmly. "That's an order."

"Fine." Perry whips around to face him. "I quit."

"Agent P, you can't quit!" Carl says, shocked. 

"Do I have to sign something?" Perry asks. "You need my hat? What do I have to do to cut ties with OWCA?”

"You are under contract, Agent P," Monogram says. "It doesn't matter if you still work here. You cannot talk to the Flynn-Fletchers."

"And if I do?" Perry challenges. What are they going to do? Kill him? They don't even kill the evil scientists that they apprehend. There's no way they'd kill their best agent, even if he leaves. 

"Then we'll have no choice but to wipe not just the boys' memories, but the memories of everyone that has ever met you as a domestic pet," Monogram says. 

Perry gapes at him, speechless. Would he really do that? Would he really take away the only connections Perry has to this world outside the agency? And it's not like he's the most popular agent around, either. His friendships are basically limited to Peter the Panda from Seattle and Lyla from COWCA, and only one of them can talk. The Flynn-Fletchers are his best friends by far.

"I'm sorry, Agent P," Monogram says, "but it's for the protection of the agency."

"So, for the protection of the agency, where I am arguably the  _ best _ agent, you're going to force me to leave?" Perry says, incredulous. What type of backwards logic is that?

"No one's forcing you to leave, Agent P," Carl says, and, unlike Monogram, he also seems upset at the situation. There's a reason Perry's always liked him.

"You can still fight Doofenshmirtz," Monogram says. "You  _ were _ a platypus, after all. If Doofenshmirtz is an ocelot, you're a platypus, no doubt about it."

"I can't fight  _ anyone _ like this," Perry says. "I'm completely useless until someone turns me back."

"Then you could intern!" Carl says, and the concept seems to excite him so much, Perry really hopes that Monogram shuts that idea down. Unfortunately, he doesn't, so Perry has to. 

"I'm sorry, Carl," Perry says, "but I've seen the way Monogram treats you. I don't know how you've made it through a whole summer of it, because I wouldn't last a day."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Monogram asks. 

Instead of answering, Perry just hands over his fedora. "If you figure out how to turn me back, come find me. If not, just leave me alone."

And this time, when Monogram and Carl try to stop him from leaving, he just keeps going. 

The last thing he hears before he's out of the building is Monogram asking, "Has he always had an attitude?"


	3. Chapter 3

Danville is a beautiful city. Everything functions so well, and its only issues tend to come from LOVE MUFFIN. As such, there isn't much of a homeless population, which leaves Perry completely out of luck. He can't go home — he'd be no better off as a platypus disowned by OWCA and forgotten by his family that he is now — and there's no homeless shelter nearby. The local library's already closed, so he can't google where the nearest one is. The best he has is the location of the grocery store, so he can at least steal a bite to eat if he has to. 

What has his life come that Perry, a former OWCA agent dedicated to upholding the law, is now considering stealing food? He can't exactly access the money he's made from working at OWCA after shifting it all to Linda's bank account so she wouldn't notice how much the boys have spent over the summer. He can't even get a job, because legally, he's a platypus. There's nothing for him to do. 

Nothing but wait. 

~~

Perry is sure the first full day of homelessness is going to be the hardest. He wakes up on a park bench after a very rough few hours of sleep, and by what should be lunch time, the whole street is covered in "Missing Platypus" posters. He doesn't actually see who's putting them up, but he knows it was Phineas and Ferb that organized it. They're worried about him, just like he knew they would be. 

Perry spends the day sitting at the park and eating from a stolen bag of pretzels he managed to slip in his pocket without the grocery store employees noticing. It's hard, trying to keep himself together, but he just has to remember that the first day is the hardest. 

He just has to get through today. 

~~

The second day is the hardest. 

Again, he wakes up on a park bench, twice as tired after two nights of restless sleep. Again, he can only eat what he's stolen from the grocery store, twice as hungry after two days of barely eating. Again, he sees the "Missing Platypus" posters, and he knows that Phineas and Ferb must be twice as worried after two nights without him. 

But it's worse, because Phineas and Ferb are growing more desperate. They release a TV and radio special begging for him to come home, and they broadcast it all over the city. Perry's never been so glad he couldn't see their faces. Just hearing Phineas's voice almost breaks him as it is. 

But he can't go home, so he doesn't. 

~~

Day three is the worst. He wakes up on a park bench; he has to steal food; he sees the "Missing Platypus" posters, and the special repeats again. But this time, Phineas and Ferb put up a billboard with a picture of the three of them and asking anyone who sees a stray platypus to call them. 

Perry wishes he could call, but he can't. 

~~

A week goes by. A full week all alone. He's never been alone before. He's always had someone — Phineas and Ferb, OWCA, and even Doofenshmirtz have always been there for him. He doesn't know what to do anymore. 

And then, as if all the gods were conspiring against him, he sees Phineas and Ferb. 

Perry ducks his head and presses himself up against the wall, trying to be as invisible as possible. He knows that to them, he's just a random guy standing outside a grocery store. He knows he doesn't have to worry that they'll recognize him. But he can't bear to look at them, knowing that he's the reason they're so worried. He's the reason there's been no talk around town about what they've been up to. He's the reason they've spent every waking moment searching the tri-state area. 

But the boys walk up to him anyway. 

"Excuse me, sir?" Phineas says.

Perry looks down at him. He's  _ never _ looked down at him before. He never realized how short this kid is, how  _ young _ he is. And yet here he is, approaching random strangers loitering outside grocery stores. And, of course, it doesn't help that Ferb is with him. Ferb, who's never shown emotion on his face in his life, looks exhausted. They both do, and it  _ hurts _ .

"Hi?" Perry says, his voice quiet and uncertain. 

"We're looking for our pet platypus," Phineas says, and Ferb hands him a flyer. "He's been missing for a week now. He's never left for more than a few hours at a time, and we're worried about him. Have you seen him?"

Perry looks down at the flyer. It's the same as the flyers tacked up all over the street, with a picture of the three of them under the tree in the backyard. It's such a mundane picture, but somehow, it hurts more than any other picture could. This  _ mundane picture _ has been every day of their summer. This is their life. It's Perry's life. These kids just want this back — they want  _ him _ back — and he can't even give them that. 

"I'm sorry," Perry says, and he can't meet their eyes. "I haven't seen him."

"If you see him, please call us," Phineas says. "You can even pick him up and keep him until we get to you. I promise he doesn't bite. He's really nice."

"I will," Perry says, and he really wishes he could. 

"Thank you," Phineas says. "We just… we miss him so much."

"I hope you find him," Perry says. 

"Thank you so much."

And then they're off to the next person, pleading for help with finding their platypus when he was right there in front of them. 

Perry can't help it. He breaks down crying, right outside the grocery store door. He could handle leaving OWCA behind. He could even handle leaving Doofenshmirtz. But leaving these poor kids out to dry… He just can't do this to them. He wants to help them. He wants to help  _ so badly _ . But there's nothing he can do.

Perry sits down on the pavement and rests his head in his hands. This was never supposed to happen. His family was never supposed to get hurt. He can't believe this is how it played out — that this is how Monogram  _ let it _ play out. His faith in the agency was clearly misplaced. 

"Perry the Humanpus?"

Perry doesn't have to look up to know that this is Doofenshmirtz. Between the nickname and the voice, it's pretty obvious. His head still in his hands, hoping to hide the fact that he's been crying, he asks, "What do you want?" It was supposed to sound cold, but it sounds more sorrowful than anything. 

"I was just going grocery shopping," Doofenshmirtz says. "I swear, I wasn't even being evil."

"Then go shop," Perry deadpans. 

"Perry the Humanpus, are you okay?" Doofenshmirtz asks, and there's more concern in his voice than he's ever heard. They've had some nice moments together, but never like this.

Perry finally looks up at him, and all he says is, "No."

Doofenshmirtz sits down in front of him, crossing his legs and clasping his hands in his lap. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Perry says, but just hearing that he cares is enough to bring back the tears he had been fighting in full force. 

"You know, I used to say the same thing," Doofenshmirtz says. "But you know what? Talking about my problems with you always makes me feel a lot better."

Perry takes a deep breath and wipes the tears from his eyes. It doesn't make him stop crying, and it doesn't really make him feel better, but he  _ does _ feel more composed. That will have to do. 

But all he can think to say is, "I miss being a platypus," and he starts crying even harder. 

Doofenshmirtz crawls over to his side, where he sits down and puts an arm around Perry's shoulders. "Is being human really that bad?"

Perry just nods.

"I'm sorry," Doofenshmirtz says. "I thought it would just level the playing field. I didn't realize you wouldn't want to be my nemesis anymore. I can't level the playing field with  _ you _ if it's  _ Peter the Panda _ that's thwarting me."

Perry didn't even know Peter was in Danville, never mind that he stole Perry's nemesis. He's sure it was an order, but it still stings. He thought Peter was finally happy with his own nemesis, after Doofenshmirtz gave him a pep talk about communication. Apparently, that didn't last long. 

To clear up what he's assuming is a miscommunication, Perry says, "It's not that I don't want to be your nemesis anymore. I had to leave OWCA."

"You  _ left _ OWCA?"

Perry nods. God, he hated saying that out loud, and he hated hearing it repeated even more. He's been with OWCA since birth. He still can't believe he left, even if he didn't have much choice. 

"Why would you leave OWCA?"

"At first, it was because I thought it would mean I could see my host family," Perry admits, but then he has to amend it to, "my  _ ex _ -host family now," and he hates everything about it. "That didn't work out, but I would have been useless, anyway." 

"You are the least useless person I've ever met," Doofenshmirtz protests. 

"As a platypus, sure," Perry says. "As a human, not so much. And apparently I wasn't even that useful as a platypus if they've already replaced me, so I really only mattered to my family, anyway."

"Why can't you go see your family?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "Do you need a ride? I can drive you over there when I'm done shopping."

"No, Monogram threatened to wipe their memories if I did," Perry says, "which, at this point, I'm beginning to think is for the best." He looks down at the "Missing Platypus" flyer in his hands. "They can't miss me if they don't remember me."

"That's ridiculous!" Doofenshmirtz exclaims. "I swear, sometimes I wonder why  _ I'm _ the evil one. Sure, I'm trying to take over the tri-state area, but at least I'm not disowning anyone."

Perry just shrugs. He's not in the mood to validate Doofenshmirtz on his evilness, or to argue over Monogram's lack of evil. He really doesn't think Monogram is evil. He's just trying to protect the agency, and Perry knows that. It's just a little overkill. 

"Could you see your family if you were a platypus again?" Doofenshmirtz asks. 

"I guess so," Perry says. He wouldn't be risking exposing the organization that way. 

"Do you want me to rebuild the platypinator?" Doofenshmirtz asks. 

Perry looks up at him hopefully. "Would you?"

Doofenshmirtz shrugs. "Yeah, sure. Why not?"

"Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of turning me human in the first place?" Perry asks. 

"You crying outside the grocery store defeats the purpose of turning you human," Doofenshmirtz says. "I like Peter the Panda. I really do. But I would much rather fight  _ you _ every day."

"But I don't think I'll ever be your nemesis again," Perry says, and only realizes after he says it that it was a bad idea. Doofenshmirtz just wants him back in platypus shape so they can fight. He's jeopardizing that for literally no reason right now. Sure, it would be rude to use Doofenshmirtz like this under the assumption that they'd be nemeses again, and he'd definitely feel bad about it, but at the same time, it was rude to turn him human, too. Sometimes, two wrongs  _ do  _ make a right. 

"I don't get it," Doofenshmirtz says. "I thought you couldn't be my nemesis because you were human."

"Well, yeah," Perry says awkwardly, "but I may have had some… choice words… for Major Monogram. I don't think he'll want me back." Perry's decently sure half the reason all the agents are animals is that they can't talk back to him. 

"Well, then you can thwart me without joining OWCA again!" Doofenshmirtz says with a grin. 

"I can?" That hadn't even occurred to him. Sure, he gets all his fancy tools from OWCA, but the thwarting itself doesn't involve the organization at all. What's Monogram going to do? Tell him  _ not _ to stop Doofenshmirtz?

"Yeah, sure, why not?" Doofenshmirtz says with a shrug. 

Perry can't help but smile, just a little bit. "Deal."

"But I really do have to go grocery shopping," Doofenshmirtz says. "Vanessa's been at me  _ constantly _ because there's 'nothing to eat in the house.'" He says the last part in a mocking falsetto, and Perry is genuinely shocked that his voice can get much higher. "You want to come with?"

"Really?"

"Why not?" Doofenshmirtz says with a shrug.

Perry smiles. "Then I would love to."


	4. Chapter 4

"Perry the Humanpus, could you hand me the screwdriver?" Doofenshmirtz asks, holding his hand out. 

Perry does as he's told.

"Thank you, Perry the Humanpus," Doofenshmirtz says, and turns his attention back to the Platypinator-in-progress. 

Perry briefly debates telling him that he can just say "Perry," but he decides against it. Doofenshmirtz  _ always _ calls him "Perry the Platypus." It would probably be weirder to hear just "Perry" than "Perry the Humanpus.”

"You know," Doofenshmirtz says, "it occurs to me that you know  _ everything  _ about me, and I know nothing about you."

Perry eyes him warily. "That's true." 

"I just think that, you know, since you have a mouth now, we could even the playing field a different way," Doofenshmirtz says. "So our relationship isn't so one-sided."

"What do you want to know?" Perry asks. He's not so sure he wants to answer any questions — this is his  _ nemesis _ , after all — but he does have a point. And what's the worst that could happen? For a self-proclaimed evil scientist, he doesn't do much evil. 

"What's your family like?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "I mean, you know all about my family. Vanessa, my parents,  _ Roger _ ..." He says that name with such disgust that Perry can't help but smile to himself. Typically Doof. "All I know about yours is that there are a couple of kids with goofy-shaped heads, and that's just because I saw the flyer."

Perry chuckles. "Yeah, they're… they're great. They're really good people."

"But what are they  _ like _ ?" Doofenshmirtz asks. 

Perry shrugs. "They're good people."

"You know, there's a difference between 'my parents hated me' and 'my parents didn't show up for my birth, I had to work as a lawn gnome, and I was raised by ocelots,' and right now, you're on the first side," Doofenshmirtz tells him. "Except, you know, the opposite. They  _ didn't _ hate you. But you know what I mean."

Perry lets out a long breath. How does he even begin to describe his family? He could spend hours talking about Ferb alone, and he barely even speaks. To talk about all five Flynn-Fletchers… that would take days, and he still wouldn't be able to explain how much he loves them. 

He decides to start with the boys. They're the ones he spends the most time with, after all. They're the ones that had him in tears an hour ago because he missed them so much. It only seems logical that he starts with them. 

"The kids really like building things," Perry says. "They built a whole beach in the backyard just to spite the radio DJ. They fixed the time machine from the museum and got stuck for a while after a dinosaur stepped on the machine."

"But they're, like, five," Doofenshmirtz says. 

"Eight, and yes, yes they are a little young to be doing everything they're doing," Perry says. 

"You know, I've always wanted to make a time machine," Doofenshmirtz says. "I could go back and undo my  _ whole _ childhood."

"I'm not so sure you want to mess with time," Perry says warily. 

"Oh, relax," Doofenshmirtz says. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"If they could alter the future just trying to get home, I don't  _ want _ to know what the worst you could do is," Perry says. "But I will be here to thwart you if you ever try to figure it out."

"What if I just ask your family?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "I mean, they already know how —"

"I would have you arrested before you can even finish your question," Perry interrupts. 

"Okay, point taken," Doofenshmirtz says. "Is there anyone else in the family? Like an emotionally-removed mother or a father who hates them?"

"They  _ do _ have parents, but they're… not… that…" Perry says awkwardly. 

"What do you mean?"

Perry shrugs. "Their parents are nice. Their father supports them building weird things, and their mother has absolutely no idea it's real but she thinks it's cute. There's nothing but love there."

Doofenshmirtz scoffs. "So they're  _ both _ the Rogers of the family?"

"That would imply that their sister is the you of the family, and that's not true at all," Perry says. "I mean, her parents might get  _ annoyed _ , but there are no emotionally scarring backstories in the making."

"There's a girl, too? How big  _ is _ this family?" 

"Just the five," Perry says. "Six, if you count me. Just one big, happy family." Of course, that doesn't include the grandparents, or the friends that might as well be family, but that doesn't seem as important. 

"You're exaggerating, aren't you?" Doofenshmirtz says accusatively. "You're just trying to make your family sound better than my family!"

"Well, I couldn't make them sound much worse," Perry says, which, in hindsight, was probably rude, so he offers up a little more information as an unspoken apology. "Candace — the sister — spends most of her time obsessing over trying to get the boys in trouble. It never works out, but it's the thought that counts, I guess."

"That's the juiciest drama you've got?" Doofenshmirtz says skeptically. 

"I don't know. It's a fairly normal family," Perry says. "There was no replacing-of-sons-with-dogs. There was no mother's-love-being-inexplicably-linked-to-kickball. I don't know if that's just a Drusselsteinian thing or what, but my family's nothing like yours. When I tell you I don't have any stories to tell, I really don't have any stories to tell." Nothing that would be of interest to him, at least, but he could go on for hours about happy stories with his family.

Perry doesn't notice until he's done speaking that Doofenshmirtz is starting to tear up. He wracks his brain, trying to figure out what exactly he could have said that upset the guy so much. Perry having a nice family is absolutely not targeting him. 

Doofenshmirtz sniffles. "You remember all of that?"

"Yes?" Perry says uncertainly. 

"No one ever listens to me," Doofenshmirtz says. "I mean, I know I spend a lot of time talking to you, but I didn't know you were actually listening."

Perry raises an eyebrow. "Why wouldn't I be listening?"

"Well, because no one listens," Doofenshmirtz says. "And, you know, you had to figure out how to get out of your traps sometime. I just assumed you use my soliloquizing to brainstorm."

"I could get out of most of your traps in my sleep," Perry deadpans. 

"Then why do you wait so long?" Doofenshmirtz asks. 

"I have manners, you know," Perry says. "Besides, it's more interesting that way. What's the fun in thwarting you when I don't know what you're doing and why you're doing it?"

Doofenshmirtz puts down his tools and turns his attention away from the platypinator. He wipes a tear from his eye. "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"You need more friends," Perry remarks. 

Doofenshmirtz rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. "Yeah…"

Without warning, the front door crashes to the floor. Perry practically jumps out of his skin, but Doofenshmirtz just casually looks over. Is this what it feels like every time Perry bursts in? Maybe he should knock more often. 

"Peter the Panda?" Doofenshmirtz exclaims. "Did I forget to call Francis? I'm sorry, Peter the Panda, but I'm not doing anything evil today."

Peter looks at Doofenshmirtz, Perry, and the platypinator suspiciously

"Oh, that?" Doofenshmirtz waves a hand dismissively. "That's just the platypinator. I'm trying to turn Perry the Humanpus back into a platypus."

Peter stares at them.

"Hi, Peter," Perry says. "How's it going with Professor Mystery?"

Peter shrugs.

"Don't worry; it'll get there," Perry assures him. "He's still just learning to communicate, after all."

Peter nods. 

"Wanna grab a cup of coffee after this?" Perry asks. "I know,  _ technically _ the next time is supposed to be in Seattle, but when in Rome…"

Peter gives him a thumbs up. That’s what he loves about Peter. They can have a full conversation without Peter saying a word.

Doofenshmirtz looks between them for a moment before his gaze settles on Peter. "That's it? I'm working with Perry the Humanpus, right after Francis fired him, and —"

"I wasn't fired," Perry interrupts. "I left of my own accord."

"Whatever." Doofenshmirtz rolls his eyes. "I'm working with Perry the Humanpus, right after he 'quit' OWCA —" He lowers his voice and whispers, "he was fired —" before continuing, "and you're just going to take my word for it? You're not going to try to stop us?"

Peter shrugs. 

"We're friends," Perry says. "If anyone knows me well enough to know that I wouldn't want to take over the tri-state area, it would be him."

"That's the OWCA agent in you talking," Doofenshmirtz says. "You don't work for them anymore. You can be honest with me now. You would  _ love _ to take over the tri-state area."

"No, not really," Perry says.

"Really, Perry the Humanpus, you can tell me. I won't tell anyone. Peter won't, either, right?"

Peter just looks at him, but Perry knows they stand in solidarity, and that nothing Perry could say to incriminate himself will leave this room. That would be great, had he been going to incriminate himself, but he stands by what he said. 

"I really don't want to take over the tri-state area," Perry insists. "It's a whole bunch of paperwork and meaningless speeches, and I don't like writing  _ or _ speaking."

"But it's so much more than that!" Doofenshmirtz protests. 

"What, so you can tell people what to do?" Perry rolls his eyes. " _ I _ certainly don't have anyone I'd like to abuse my authority with. And, given that most of your failures can be attributed to poor planning, you don't have anyone to blame but yourself, so other than, like, mocking your brother, I really don't get what you're trying to accomplish here." 

"What, like mocking my brother isn't enough?"

Perry chuckles. "Fair point."

Doofenshmirtz looks back over at Peter. "You can come in, you know. I didn't even set any traps today."

Peter hesitates, but, after a moment, he shrugs and walks in. He seems suspicious at first, but it soon becomes clear that he's not going to get trapped. 

"Just so you know, Peter the Panda," Doofenshmirtz says, "Perry the Platypus is my nemesis again, so when he's back to being a platypus, you can tell Francis that he's still watching me."

"And then you can work things out with Professor Mystery," Perry adds. "I think he'll be happy to have you back."

Peter nods. 

Doofenshmirtz stands up and pats the platypinator. "Okay, Perry the Humanpus. It should be working now."

"'Should'?" Perry repeats warily. 

"Well, you know, I haven't exactly  _ tested _ it yet, but it worked last time," he says with a shrug. "Ready?"

Perry swallows hard. "I guess so."

Doofenshmirtz points the platypinator at him, and Peter scurries out of the way. Doofenshmirtz pauses, making sure it's aimed correctly, and presses the button. 

All Perry can see is darkness. For the briefest moment, he thinks the inator failed. He's not a platypus. He's not even human anymore. The inator just destroyed him. 

Fortunately, he realizes after just a moment of paralyzing fear that this isn't the case. He can't see because there's something on top of him. It takes a lot of flailing, but he manages to hit it away, and, looking around, he can see clearly that the inator worked. It's disorienting to be this short again, but it can only mean that he's a platypus, and one look at his teal arms is all he needs to confirm it. 

Perry crawls out of the pile of clothes he was left standing in. This is nice. He missed being a platypus. 

"Perry the Platypus?" Doofenshmirtz says uncertainly. "Is that you?" 

Perry stands up on his hind legs and reaches for his fedora, only to remember that he doesn't have his hat anymore. He didn’t think he would need it once he left OWCA. He didn’t expect to run into Doofenshmirtz again, especially as a platypus. 

Peter the panda takes off his own fedora and holds it out to him. Perry shakes his head. It's Peter's hat. He can't take that from him. Peter puts his fedora on Perry's head anyway. Perry chatters appreciatively. He really couldn't ask for a better friend. 

"Did it work, Perry the Platypus?" Doofenshmirtz asks. "No side effects or anything?"

Perry gives him a thumbs up. 

"Well, I guess you'll be wanting to head home now," Doofenshmirtz says, though he seems a little disappointed. "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Perry walks over and hugs his leg. He didn't think to thank him while he was human, so this is the best he can do. 

Fortunately, the message gets across loud and clear. With a smile, Doofenshmirtz says, "You're welcome, Perry the Platypus."


	5. Chapter 5

When Perry gets home, he finds the place surprisingly quiet. It's the middle of the day. Phineas and Ferb are never quiet in the middle of the day. It's prime time for them to be building something. They must be working on it somewhere else.

Perry stands on his hind legs to unlatch the gate, then quickly drops to all fours to open it. He doesn't expect to find them there, but he still has to take the precaution. 

But when he looks inside, he  _ does _ see Phineas and Ferb sitting under the tree, all alone and looking devastated. Perry chatters loudly. 

The boys both look over, and Phineas gasps when he sees him. "Perry?"

Perry tries to look subtle as he walks over to them, but he's so relieved to be home, it takes all his self control not to run to them. 

Phineas and Ferb both get up, and Phineas meet his platypus halfway, scooping him up into a hug. 

"We missed you so much," Phineas whispers. 

Perry just chatters, and he hopes the boys know it's an 'I love you' chatter.

"Come on, boy," Phineas says. "Let's get you inside."

Perry lets Phineas carry him in the house, and though he can't see it, he knows Ferb is right behind them. He has his boys back. 

Phineas puts Perry down on the kitchen counter. "Where have you been, buddy?"

Perry almost wishes he was still human so he could tell them all about it, and all the hoops he jumped through just to get back to them. Instead, all he does is chatter. 

"Don't ever leave us like that again," Phineas says. "We've never been so worried."

Perry just chatters again. 

"We should go tell Mom and Dad," Phineas says. "And Candace, too!"

Oh joy. Because he  _ really _ wants to see Candace as soon as he gets home. Sure, he likes her, but it's obvious that the feeling isn't mutual. He just wants to hang out with the boys. After so long on the streets, he just wants their love.

But Phineas is already running out of the room, beaming, and there's nothing Perry can do to stop him. 

Ferb scratches Perry on the head, and Perry lets out a content sigh. Why's he even worrying about all that? He's home. He's back with his people. He doesn’t even care what happens next. He’s just glad he gets to see his boys again.

Phineas comes barreling down the stairs, a few steps of footprints not far behind. Perry expects the first one out, obviously, to be Phineas, followed shortly after by Lawrence. He likes Perry, too -- they watch old TV shows together and everything -- and, unlike Linda, he can move quickly. He expects Linda to be next, because she likes Perry, and, more importantly, cares about the boys liking Perry, but she doesn’t tend to move as quickly as Lawrence does. Then, of course, he’ll see Candace at some point, but he’s not holding his breath about that one.

To some extent, he’s not wrong. Phineas is the first one back in the kitchen, and he’s by the platypus’s side in an instant. What he doesn’t expect is for the next person to see him to be Candace, and he’s too shocked to know how to feel. Candace doesn’t even like him. Why would she rush over to see him?

“Perry?” she says hopefully. “Is it really you?”

Perry just chatters. 

“It is,” Phineas says.”Look in his eyes. He’s too happy to be home for it not to be him.”

How Phineas knows that, Perry has no idea, but the idea that Phineas can see through his mindless facade just enough to know that Perry loves them warms his heart.

Candace scratches him on the head. “Welcome home, Perry.”

Again, Perry just chatters, and it’s a happy chatter. He’s not sure why it takes disappearing to get Candace to like him, but he’ll take this welcome over any other -- and not just because he likes head scratches.

It takes a minute, but Lawrence and Linda do follow eventually, and they’re both overjoyed to see him, too. Linda mentions possibly try to make sure Perry doesn’t escape again, but, before Perry can even begin to wonder how that could affect him getting to Doofenshmirtz’s, Phineas shuts the idea down, because “As much as we missed him, we want him to be happy, and he won’t be happy being cooped up inside all day.”

Lawrence, of course, is a savior, because he mentions that Perry might be hungry after all this time away from home, which couldn’t be more true. So, to conclude his return home, he gets to eat a double meal while the whole Flynn-Fletcher family celebrates with a pie. And, just when he thinks he couldn’t be happier, he gets a rare remark from Ferb.

“They say if you love something, set it free,” he says. “If it comes back, it was meant to be. I don’t think there’s any other sentiment that could explain Perry better.”


	6. Chapter 6

Perry falls asleep on the couch by Candace’s side. They had been watching a soap opera, though at some point, she must have turned it off to go to bed. Usually, someone would have carried him to Phineas and Ferb’s room for bedtime. Either Candace just didn’t think to move him, or they decided he needed the rest. He wants to go upstairs and lie down with the boys, but he always switches which boy he’s lying in bed with every few hours, and he’s too tired to trust himself to do that tonight. Instead, he turns the TV back on and closes his eyes. It’s just reruns. He doesn’t need to watch it to know what’s happening.

Within minutes, he’s back asleep.

To say he’s surprised to wake up to the sound of Major Monogram’s voice would be an understatement. He wasn’t expecting to ever hear from him again, and definitely not this early in the morning. No one else is awake yet, and honestly, he’s surprised Monogram would wake up this early for him. He opens one eye to see the Major on the TV, trying to talk to him. Part of Perry is interested in what he has to say, and on an ordinary day, Perry would sit up and throw his fedora on as quickly as possible. Fortunately, today is not an ordinary day, and Perry doesn’t work for OWCA anymore, so he’s under no obligation to do so. Instead, he just turns the TV off and closes his eyes.

“Agent P,” Monogram repeats firmly. 

Perry doesn't even open his eyes when he turns the TV off again.

“Agent P, can you give me two minutes?” Monogram asks, exasperated.

Perry reaches for the remote again, but if the last two attempts have proved anything, it’s that just turning the TV off won’t help. As much as Perry would like to just go back to sleep, it looks like he’s going to have to wait a few minutes. With a dramatic sigh, he forces himself to sit up, but he doesn’t bother putting on his hat.

“Thank you, Agent P,” Monogram says. “Peter the Panda told us that you were back to normal.”

Perry just blinks at him. How is he supposed to respond to that? He knew it was coming -- Peter would have to explain his missing hat somehow, after all, and Doofenshmirtz did ask him to tell Monogram what was going on. 

“Now, I know things didn’t end very well last time we spoke,” Monogram continues, “but you are still the best agent OWCA has ever had. If you’re going to fight Doofenshmirtz anyway, would you like to come back and work for OWCA again?”

Perry hesitates. He saw how quickly Monogram turned his back on him when he needed help the most. That was the whole reason he left OWCA in the first place. But he’s also been with OWCA since he was just a baby platypus. That’s all he’s ever known, and Monogram and Carl have both been there right along with him the whole time. Monogram just thought he was protecting the agency, and though he definitely could have handled it better -- even a fake ID and social security number would have been good enough -- he didn’t mean to cause any harm. He’s just kind of an idiot.

That really leaves Perry with two choices. He could stay as he is now, heading over to Doofenshmirtz’s every day with no expectations but no obligations, or he could take back his old job for mostly-useless briefings, horrible pay, and cool gadgets. 

After a few moments of deliberation, Perry puts on his fedora. He’s back in. It’s where he belongs -- fighting evil next to his animal agent friends. 

“Good,” Monogram says. “Sorry to wake you so early, but it was the only time I could reach you without your owners hearing. You can go back to bed now.”

Perry salutes him before turning off the TV, and as soon as the “meeting” is over, Perry takes off his hat and lies back down. This week was certainly an experience, and, in hindsight, he wouldn’t undo it if he could. He didn’t know just how much he loved his family and his job and even Doofenshmirtz until he lost it. He got to set some boundaries with Monogram, albeit boundaries that will probably be ignored, because evil never takes a holiday. And, perhaps most importantly, he got to talk to Doofenshmirtz. He’d never even considered that to be a possibility before, and he certainly wouldn’t have thought he would divulge any information about himself without a fight. But now, not only does he feel like he’s understood now, but he feels like he understands his nemesis better, too. He can honestly call that man his friend, as much as he would Phineas and Ferb or Peter the Panda, and he couldn’t ask for anything better.


End file.
